4 Healthy Ways to Make Sex Feel Better Tonight

By Amy Levine, MA, CSE, Special to Everyday Health

S-E-X.

Three simple letters that elicit myriad thoughts and feelings. Sex has the potential to involve all of the senses, turn us on, happen solo or with a partner, allow us the opportunity to give and to receive, and be incredibly pleasurable. But for many people, sex isn’t the connected and fulfilling experience we know is possible. Sometimespain or discomfort is to blame. Other times it’s sabotaged by common issues like body-bashing thoughts, anxiety, or stress. Often with subtle adjustments, sex can feel and be a lot better.

As a sex coach, I often play detective with my clients to figure out what they need to elevate their sexual experiences. Here are some of the solutions I share with them that I think will help you have a more pleasurable sex life too.

1. Sex Shouldn’t Require Mind-Reading

Here’s a four-letter word that will make sex better: T-A-L-K.

We can’t expect our partners to read our minds. It’s essential we know what we need, want, and desire. Communication is directly related to our pleasure potential.

Sexual Solution: Know your erogenous areas. If you’re not sure what turns you on, make time for solo sessions to explore every inch of your skin. Feel the webbing of your fingers and toes, trace your finger down the outermost part of your ear, stroke your thighs, and then go for the obvious “feel good” areas. When you know what you like, tell your partner. Or show him or her what feels best by putting your hand over theirs, guiding them to the spot and showing them how to mimic the motions.

If you feel self-conscious, experience stress, anxiety, pain or discomfort, speak up as it arises during physical intimacy. Say something (like, “please stop I’m in pain, etc” or “let’s slow down”) or do what’s needed (like, shift your body) to feel at ease in the moment. Then, so it doesn’t create frustration, talk with your partner outside the bedroom at another time. Together come up with possible solutions or find an expert to help you navigate the situation.

2. Use the Right Lubricant

Dryness, like wetness, can come and go throughout a sexual encounter no matter how turned on you may be. Also, women rarely get the 20 minutes of foreplay (kissing, fooling around, or oral sex) needed to increase arousal and feel more connected. That said, there are manyhealth conditions and circumstances that make it difficult to produce ample amounts of lubrication, if at all.

The most common culprits: hormonal shifts (including childbirth, breastfeeding, and menopause); allergies; anti-estrogen drugs and other medications and supplements; medical treatments (including radiation and chemotherapy); and surgical procedures (like removal of the ovaries).

Sexual Solution: Wetter can feel better. Add a lubricant during solo and partnered sex, whether it’s for vulva or vaginal touch or penetration (start with a squirt of lube the size of a dime and increase the amount as needed. Use it on your vulva and vagina where you’re being stimulated or on his penis).

There are three common types of lubricants — water-based, silicone-based, and oil-based. It’s best to use liquid instead of a messy jelly consistency. When buying lube, select a vagina-friendly brand (without glycerin and chemicals you can’t pronounce). Organic brands, like Yes, are a great option. If you’re using latex condoms, avoid oil-based lubricants like baby oil, body lotion, or lubes. As a side note, don’t use silicone-based lubes with silicone toys, as it causes the toys to deteriorate.

3. Get That Itching and Burning Checked Out

Itching and burning could be the sign of infection for both men and women, and it’s best to go to your doc to find out what’s behind it. If it coincides with sex, and you know it’s not a recurring yeast, bacterial, or viral infection, it could be an allergy to latex or nonoxynol 9 (N-9), a spermicidal lubricant often found on condoms and used with a cervical cap or diaphragm. Ifvaginal dryness is the culprit, lube is a likely remedy.

Sexual Solution: Switch to a different type of condom. The other options are polyurethane, polyisoprene, and lambskin. A few things to keep in mind: Polyurethane and lambskin can be used with oil-based lube. And lambskin condoms only reduce the risk of pregnancy, not sexually transmitted diseases (if a partner is infected). If N-9 allergy seems to be an issue, find condoms that don’t have spermicidal lubricant on them. And switch from a cervical cap or diaphragm to a different method of contraception.

4. Do Something Different

Sometimes it’s a shift in position or being adventurous by trying something new that can instantly make sex more satisfying and exciting.

Sexual Solution: When you’re in any sexual position, try shifting — up, down, right, or left — to elevate arousal or minimize musculoskeletal or myofascial discomfort and pain. For some situations — such as when, during doggy style, his penis is hitting your cervix and creating a cramping sensation — a shift can make a change in a split second. Propping problem areas under pillows can also make sex more comfortable.

Since most women don’t climax from vaginal penetration alone, focus on the clitoris. After all, the sole purpose of this hot spot is for pleasure. Using a sex toy like the popular “bullet” shape — which easily slides between two people — boosts your arousal and increases your orgasmic ability. Or discover other erogenous areas like the g-spot, which can be detected once you’re turned on.

For guys who have trouble maintaining an erection, a penis ring made of soft material can do the trick. And his prostate is likely his most sensitive spot if he let’s you explore.

Fantasy, whether it’s a thought of something sexy or erotic that’s happened in the past or a mental movie of something you want to unfold, can fast-track desire and arousal from 0 to 60. And role-playing, whether you’re pretending to be someone or somewhere else, can reinvigorate a sexual relationship. Especially if you’re adding something fun like light bondage to your sack session, after being inspired by Fifty Shades of Grey on date night.

Amy Levine, MA, CSE, is a sex coach featured in magazines including Glamour, Health, and SELF. In her SPARK and IGNITE coaching sessions, Amy helps people solve their most intimate sexual dilemmas, inspiring them to become empowered in and out of bed. Get tips and learn more at Igniteyourpleasure.com.

SOURCE: http://www.everydayhealth.com/columns/health-answers/ways-make-sex-feel-better-tonight/

3 Steps to Take if Your Libido Is More Active Than Your Partner's

Low sex drive is only a problem if someone is unhappy about it, and that's usually the other partner in a relationship. "When you get two people with low libidos, they just go to sleep at night. That's not an issue," says Irwin Goldstein, MD, director of San Diego Sexual Medicine and the editor in chief of The Journal of Sexual Medicine. "Libido is really only associated with distress when there's a disparity with the partner." 

If the unevenness of your desires has become a problem in your relationship, here are a few ways to approach it. 

1. Talk to each other 
Sometimes the problem is clear and just needs discussing, says Joy Davidson, PhD, a New York City–based psychologist who's on the board of directors of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists. An example of this, she says, would be "the woman gets off on oral sex and the man doesn't like to do it. Not being able to talk about sex is like not being able to discuss what you're having for dinner. And just like any other aspect of a relationship, that's a potential deal-breaker. If there's a sexual problem, you have to deal with it." 

If you're the one who wants more sex, don't blame your partner or apply pressure tactics, advises Davidson: "That only pushes the other person away." If your partner is stressed about life outside your relationship, a first step might be to look for ways to lighten his or her load, so sex can become recreation, not another chore. 

2. The partner with a low libido should get a medical checkup
Low sex drive, especially in conjunction with erectile dysfunction (ED), could indicate a serious health problem such as heart disease or diabetes.

3. See a therapist 
Even if there is a medical issue afoot, disparate sex drives can create an emotional problem in a relationship. That's why many sexual health doctors take a "bio-psycho-social" approach, says Michael Krychman, MD, executive director of the Southern California Center for Sexual Health and Survivorship Medicine in Newport Beach, Calif. They either make some psychological assessments themselves or work hand-in-hand with certified sex therapists. 

If you're the partner who wants more sex and you choose couples therapy or sex therapy, don't make it about your partner, says Davidson—make it about the relationship: "[As in] 'we seem to have different needs sexually, and we'd both like to find ways to bridge the gap.'"

http://www.health.com/health/condition-article/0,,20188137,00.html

Help for Orgasm Difficulties

By Diana Rodriguez


Your doctor can help when there's a physical issue, and a sex therapist can teach you how to have orgasms when the problem is psychological.


Sex is fun, feels good, and is a great way to be physically and emotionally close to your partner. But without an orgasm, it can be a less satisfying experience for both people involved. There could be physical or emotional reasons why you're not experiencing a sexual climax, but the right diagnosis and possibly sex therapy can teach you how to orgasm and have a satisfying sexual relationship.

Help is available for both sexes because this isn’t always a female orgasm issue. While some women may have difficulty achieving an orgasm and may never have truly experienced one, men can have orgasm difficulties as well, especially if there are physical or emotional issues at play in the relationship.

Problems That Keep People From Having Orgasms

• The variety of problems related to a lack of orgasm include:
• Not having an orgasm at all
• Having a delayed orgasm — taking a long time or needing a lot of stimulation to achieve orgasm
• Not having a satisfactory orgasm
• Delayed ejaculation
• Ejaculation without orgasm

Some potential causes of these problems in women and men are:

• A problem in the relationship
• Boredom in the bedroom
• An emotional or physical trauma, like rape or abuse
• Health conditions that affect nerves or hormone levels
• Being shy or embarrassed about sex
• Lack of education about orgasms, sex, and what stimulation works best for you
• Side effects of certain medications, including some antidepressants

Fear can keep both sexes from experiencing orgasm, says marriage and family therapist Isadora Alman, MFT, a board-certified sexologist and psychotherapist in private practice in Alameda, Calif. "Being afraid of letting go, afraid of going crazy — fear, in other words," says Alman.

Another explanation: "Physiologically, it may just be that they're not getting the right stimulation," says Alman. If either a man or a woman is used to achieving an orgasm with his or her own hand, someone else's touch and body part might seem strange, she explains.

Diagnosing the Problem

Many doctors and even certain therapists don't have training in sexuality and sexual problems, says Alman. If you're experiencing difficulty achieving an orgasm, seeing a sex therapist may help root out the reason and get the right treatment. A sex therapist can also help determine if you’re having a physical problem, says Alman, and recommend that you see a physician.



To help identify the problem, says Alman, a sex therapist will ask about your sexual history. Be prepared for topics to include a frank discussion of your current partners, your masturbation practices, and the nature of your symptoms. A sex therapist will also ask about your expectations of sex and what you want to achieve in your sex life.

Solutions That Will Help

If there is a medical problem to blame, you doctor will prescribe the appropriate treatment. And if the cause is psychological, working with a sex therapist can help.

For the female orgasm, Alman says a woman should learn how to orgasm by herself and realize exactly what kind of stimulation it takes, including whether she needs to fantasize in order to have an orgasm.

Says Alman, "Once she knows physically that she needs ‘x’ amount of stimulation, she should look at what's going on in her relationship. Is she comfortable asking for what she wants? First it's physiological, and then it's relational."

For men, the process is similar. Alman says she'll ask about a male patient’s masturbation processes and what feels different when he's masturbating than when having intercourse with a partner.

Part of the solution is the same for men and women — when it comes to sex, Alman says you've got to talk about it with your partner. Whether you want to achieve multiple orgasms or just feel uninhibited in the bedroom, you've got to be open about your wants and needs. "There's just no way to get from here to there without talking about it," Alman explains.

While it's very normal to be embarrassed to talk about these intimate issues or be afraid of your partner's reaction, you have to open up. If you can’t relax because of some unresolved problem between you — even if it’s because the house is a mess and that bothers you, you must address it if you want to have a satisfying sexual experience.

Talk about what you want, what you like, and what you need because if orgasm difficulties are affecting you, they're also affecting your partner. Talking about sex and intimacy will only bring you closer together, and help ignite the fireworks you’re looking for in the bedroom.

Source: http://www.everydayhealth.com/sexual-health/sexual-dysfunction/orgasm-difficulties.aspx

6 Fun Ways to Boost Her Desire

Laura TedescoOct 14, 2014

Photo by Getty Images

You’ve heard this advice before: Take a woman to see a scary movie, and the surge of fear-induced adrenaline will send her straight into your arms. But a new study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, published Sept. 29th, showed that fear tended to dampen women’s arousal and desire. Feeling happy, on the other hand, was associated with greater sexual desire in the moment — as well as the next day.

Past research has linked long-term emotional states, likedepression, to sexual desire (or a lack thereof). But the researchers wanted to determine how women’s more fleeting feelings impact their willingness to jump in the sack. “There’s a lot about our day-to-day lives that’s tied to our emotions, whether it’s sleep or appetite or sexual functioning,” study author David Kalmbach told Yahoo Health. “There’s the term ‘being in the mood’ — some days we’re in the mood, and some days we’re not. I wanted to see what drives that.”

Over a two-week period, 171 young women kept daily diaries about their moods, as well as their sex lives. Only one emotion was linked to the women’s desire both in the present moment and on the following day: joviality, or what Kalmbach defined as “being happy, enthusiastic.” “I don’t know that it’s necessarily the happier someone is, the more they desire sex,” he said. “I think the happier or more enthused someone is, the greater their capacity for sexual desire is. Being happy is related to finding pleasure in things that we usually enjoy. And when we’re happier, we’re typically more motivated.”

Even if your partner’s moods are totally unpredictable, you can still steer her in the right direction — and doing so may actually enhance the desire-boosting effect of happiness. “If a partner does something that increases both relationship satisfaction and someone’s mood, you’re going to see a strong impact on desire,” Kalmbach noted.

Ready to rev her engine? Try these five fun ways to make your girlfriend happy — and hopefully open the gateway to another kind of fun:

Take her to a sporting event.

This may seem like your idea of an ideal date — but the electric atmosphere will likely give her mood a jolt, too. In fact, a 2011 study in the Journal of Epidemiology & Community Health found that attending sporting events is associated with higher life satisfaction and lower anxiety among women. Of course, happy gals may just be more open to catching a game. But there is something enlivening about sporting events. “Playing sports can give people a little rush of arousal. Watching might do that as well — the collective excitement, the suspense of who wins or loses,” said couples therapist Brandy Engler, author of The Men on My Couch.

Even if your date isn’t a huge sports fan, you can easily engage her in the game by having her pick a team to root for — and then aligning yourself with the opponent. Creating a little playful competition makes the game’s outcome about you and her — not just the teams. Hint: Choose a fast-paced sport, like horseracing or basketball, so there’s lots of action to keep her on the edge of her seat.

Plan your next vacation.

Yes, it’s only October — but why not start planning your summer vacay now? Just lusting after those seaside villas in Italy will lift her spirits: A recent Dutch study suggests that anticipating a getaway may be a more potent happiness booster than the actual trip. “You’re planning together, working as a team. That activates excitement and affection for each other,” DeAnna Lorraine, a Los Angeles-based dating coach, told Yahoo Health. “To women, it’s like foreplay — we can get very aroused just by imagining and anticipating things.” Bonus: Researching a couples getaway can put her in the romantic mindset now, said Engler.

Borrow a friend’s dog for the day

Your buddy’s dog is your best friend — at least when it comes to winning over your date. “Women love seeing a man around animals,” said Lorraine. “It’s similar to watching him around children — it brings out nurturing instincts.” No pooch of your own? Offer to babysit a pal’s for the day, and head to the park with your partner.

Just don’t spend too much of your time loving on Fido together: Oxytocin, the bonding hormone, “makes us feel lovey dovey, but not necessarily sexual,” explained Engler. “You want testosterone, which comes with physical activity and competition.” So grab the ball and play catch together. Or go on a jog and take turns holding the leash.

Embrace the outdoors

Go hiking, rockclimbing, kayaking — anything to get you outside and active. “When you’re stuck in your home, the energy can get stagnant,” Lorraine said. “But when you’re outside, it’s an unpredictable environment.” Read: You’re surrounded by novelty — whether you’re exploring a new trail or checking out a waterfall — and that’s a potent mood booster for both parties. “It’s primal,” said Engler. “When you’re engaging with the earth, you’re getting back in touch with your body.” And that physical arousal can easily translate to another kind of energy.

Sample gourmet chocolates

We don’t need to tell you that women love chocolate. But don’t just hand her a box of supermarket sweets — instead, take her to a gourmet chocolate shop, and let her choose a variety to try. Once you’re home, uncork a bottle of red wine, and sample them together. “Break off a little piece, place it in her mouth, have her close her eyes, and tell her to really taste it,” Engler said. “You’re getting into the senses together.”

Tap into your creativity

Turn game night into a bonding experience: Choose an active, creative game that requires a timer, like Pictionary or charades, and compete against each other. “The timer heightens the arousal even more,” Lorraine said. “And you’re forced to be dorky and silly—these games create playfulness and laughter automatically.”

Female Libido: Bringing the Intimacy Back to the Bedroom

by guest author

In females, the libido is more complicated than in males. The term libido means sexual desire and is not the only ingredient necessary for a woman’s sexual mojo. Mojo is an appropriate term, as the female’s turn-on features may seem magical at times. She needs a proper balance in physical, emotional, and hormonal responses to induce her ooh-la-la.

What Causes a Woman’s Sex Drive to Be Hung Out to Dry?
When delving into the marvelous, mysterious workings of a woman’s sex drive, think about all the factors needed to put her in the mood. It is quite a daunting task. To look at it another way, many different influences can cause women to lose that loving feeling.

Physical issues. Health problems and medications can all cause the female libido to vanish. Medical conditions that cause pain or fatigue are likely to hamper her sexual prowess. Medications that reduce hormone levels affect a woman’s ability to have intercourse. Use of oral contraceptives decreases estrogen and testosterone, making them useless to light the fire of her libido.

Hormonal changes. In addition to medications, hormone levels drop during the change associated with menopause. Estrogen increases the functioning of sex organs, including the vagina and vulva. Testosterone increases blood flow to her genitals, making her more lubricated and able to climax. Low levels of this sex hormone can cause intercourse to be painful. Pregnancy and breastfeeding also cause fluctuations in hormone levels.

Psychological reasons and relationship problems. If she had negative experiences with sex in the past, a woman may have trouble now. How she feels about herself goes a long way into putting a woman in her groove. Poor body image and low self-esteem are not conducive to intercourse. Stress and mental health issues play a vital role in sexual vitality, as well as the condition of a man and woman’s relationship. Fighting, communication problems, lack of connection, and infidelity are probably not the most effective ways to lead up to an intimate encounter with her partner.

Bring the Spark Back into Your Love Life
There are ways to increase libido naturally. Lifestyle factors are the biggest changes, and are best when the couple works together to rekindle the flame.

Diet and exercise. By decreasing sugar and simple carbohydrates and increasing exercise, hormone levels and self-confidence can both be improved. Exercise increases muscle which in turn raises testosterone levels, giving just the right pick-me-up to boost her libido.

Stress. Find ways to relax together. Gentle stretching, meditation, and mutual massage can lower stress and increase intimacy.

Communicate. Learn to talk to each other more openly without fighting. This can develop a more intimate connection and goes a long way to enticing her libido.

Medical treatments. If a woman’s desire for sex is not increased with self-help measures, a physician may be able to help. Counseling or medications including hormone replacement therapy may be helpful in revving up the love connection.

The female libido may never be fully understood as so many conditions must fit together like an intricate, life-sized puzzle in order for her to become interested in sex. Physical, hormonal, psychological, and relationship issues all effect sex drive in a woman. Bring the spark back with changes in diet, exercise, open communication, or even medications when necessary.

About the author
Lou Hobbs is a dedicated health and wellness researcher and author. With over 10 years of experience Lou has made it his life goal to discover solutions that can improve the lives of other people. When Lou is not researching a health related topic such as the female libido, he enjoys spending time with his family in the Idaho wilderness.

http://vitalhealthinfo.com/how-to-increase-female-libido/

Symptoms and Solutions of Decreased Female Libido

Symptoms and Solutions of Decreased Female Libido
Keep Reading and Learn How to Increase Female Libido and Sex Drive

By Mayo Clinic staff
A woman's sexual desires naturally fluctuate over the years. Highs and lows commonly coincide with the beginning or end of a relationship or with major life changes, such as pregnancy, menopause or illness. Some antidepressants and anti-seizure medications also can cause low sex drive in women.

If you have a persistent or recurrent lack of interest in sex that causes you personal distress, you may have hypoactive sexual desire disorder.

But you don't have to meet this medical definition to seek help. If you are bothered by a low sex drive or decreased sex drive, there are lifestyle changes and sex techniques that may put you in the mood more often. Some medications may offer promise as well.
content from:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/low-sex-drive-in-women/DS01043

Causes
By Mayo Clinic staff
A woman's desire for sex is based on a complex interaction of many components affecting intimacy, including physical well-being, emotional well-being, experiences, beliefs, lifestyle and current relationship. If you're experiencing a problem in any of these areas, it can affect your sexual desire.

Physical causes 
A wide range of illnesses, physical changes and medications can cause a low sex drive, including:

Sexual problems. If you experience pain during sex or an inability to orgasm, it can hamper your desire for sex.

Medical diseases. Numerous nonsexual diseases can also affect desire for sex, including arthritis, cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure, coronary artery disease and neurological diseases.

Medications. Many prescription medications — including some antidepressants and anti-seizure medications — are notorious libido killers.

Alcohol and drugs. A glass of wine may make you feel amorous, but too much alcohol can spoil your sex drive; the same is true of street drugs.

Surgery. Any surgery related to your breasts or your genital tract can affect your body image, sexual function and desire for sex.

Fatigue. The exhaustion of caring for aging parents or young children can contribute to low sex drive.

Hormone changes
Changes in your hormone levels may alter your desire for sex. This can occur during:

Menopause. Estrogen levels drop during the transition to menopause. This can cause decreased interest in sex and dryer vaginal tissues, resulting in painful or uncomfortable sex. At the same time, women may also experience a decrease in the hormone testosterone, which boosts sex drive in men and women alike. Although many women continue to have satisfying sex during menopause and beyond, some women experience a lagging libido during this hormonal change.

Pregnancy and breast-feeding. Hormone changes during pregnancy, just after having a baby and during breast-feeding can put a damper on sex drive. Of course, hormones aren't the only factor affecting intimacy during these times. Fatigue, changes in body image and the pressures of carrying — or caring for — a new baby can all contribute to changes in your sexual desire.

Psychological causes
Your problems don't have to be physical or biological to be real. There are many psychological causes of low sex drive, including:

• Mental health problems, such as anxiety or depression

• Stress, such as financial stress or work stress

• Poor body image

• Low self-esteem

• History of physical or sexual abuse

Relationship issues
For many women, emotional closeness is an essential prelude to sexual intimacy. So problems in your relationship can be a major factor in low sex drive. Decreased interest in sex is often a result of ongoing issues, such as:

• Lack of connection with your partner

• Unresolved conflicts or fights

• Poor communication of sexual needs and preferences

• Infidelity or breach of trust

this publication is from:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/low-sex-drive-in-women/DS01043/DSECTION=causes

As we look at the causes and symptoms of decreased female libido, we have to consider that there are other more natural solutions to regaining libido. The following is just an option to consider.