4 Healthy Ways to Make Sex Feel Better Tonight

By Amy Levine, MA, CSE, Special to Everyday Health

S-E-X.

Three simple letters that elicit myriad thoughts and feelings. Sex has the potential to involve all of the senses, turn us on, happen solo or with a partner, allow us the opportunity to give and to receive, and be incredibly pleasurable. But for many people, sex isn’t the connected and fulfilling experience we know is possible. Sometimespain or discomfort is to blame. Other times it’s sabotaged by common issues like body-bashing thoughts, anxiety, or stress. Often with subtle adjustments, sex can feel and be a lot better.

As a sex coach, I often play detective with my clients to figure out what they need to elevate their sexual experiences. Here are some of the solutions I share with them that I think will help you have a more pleasurable sex life too.

1. Sex Shouldn’t Require Mind-Reading

Here’s a four-letter word that will make sex better: T-A-L-K.

We can’t expect our partners to read our minds. It’s essential we know what we need, want, and desire. Communication is directly related to our pleasure potential.

Sexual Solution: Know your erogenous areas. If you’re not sure what turns you on, make time for solo sessions to explore every inch of your skin. Feel the webbing of your fingers and toes, trace your finger down the outermost part of your ear, stroke your thighs, and then go for the obvious “feel good” areas. When you know what you like, tell your partner. Or show him or her what feels best by putting your hand over theirs, guiding them to the spot and showing them how to mimic the motions.

If you feel self-conscious, experience stress, anxiety, pain or discomfort, speak up as it arises during physical intimacy. Say something (like, “please stop I’m in pain, etc” or “let’s slow down”) or do what’s needed (like, shift your body) to feel at ease in the moment. Then, so it doesn’t create frustration, talk with your partner outside the bedroom at another time. Together come up with possible solutions or find an expert to help you navigate the situation.

2. Use the Right Lubricant

Dryness, like wetness, can come and go throughout a sexual encounter no matter how turned on you may be. Also, women rarely get the 20 minutes of foreplay (kissing, fooling around, or oral sex) needed to increase arousal and feel more connected. That said, there are manyhealth conditions and circumstances that make it difficult to produce ample amounts of lubrication, if at all.

The most common culprits: hormonal shifts (including childbirth, breastfeeding, and menopause); allergies; anti-estrogen drugs and other medications and supplements; medical treatments (including radiation and chemotherapy); and surgical procedures (like removal of the ovaries).

Sexual Solution: Wetter can feel better. Add a lubricant during solo and partnered sex, whether it’s for vulva or vaginal touch or penetration (start with a squirt of lube the size of a dime and increase the amount as needed. Use it on your vulva and vagina where you’re being stimulated or on his penis).

There are three common types of lubricants — water-based, silicone-based, and oil-based. It’s best to use liquid instead of a messy jelly consistency. When buying lube, select a vagina-friendly brand (without glycerin and chemicals you can’t pronounce). Organic brands, like Yes, are a great option. If you’re using latex condoms, avoid oil-based lubricants like baby oil, body lotion, or lubes. As a side note, don’t use silicone-based lubes with silicone toys, as it causes the toys to deteriorate.

3. Get That Itching and Burning Checked Out

Itching and burning could be the sign of infection for both men and women, and it’s best to go to your doc to find out what’s behind it. If it coincides with sex, and you know it’s not a recurring yeast, bacterial, or viral infection, it could be an allergy to latex or nonoxynol 9 (N-9), a spermicidal lubricant often found on condoms and used with a cervical cap or diaphragm. Ifvaginal dryness is the culprit, lube is a likely remedy.

Sexual Solution: Switch to a different type of condom. The other options are polyurethane, polyisoprene, and lambskin. A few things to keep in mind: Polyurethane and lambskin can be used with oil-based lube. And lambskin condoms only reduce the risk of pregnancy, not sexually transmitted diseases (if a partner is infected). If N-9 allergy seems to be an issue, find condoms that don’t have spermicidal lubricant on them. And switch from a cervical cap or diaphragm to a different method of contraception.

4. Do Something Different

Sometimes it’s a shift in position or being adventurous by trying something new that can instantly make sex more satisfying and exciting.

Sexual Solution: When you’re in any sexual position, try shifting — up, down, right, or left — to elevate arousal or minimize musculoskeletal or myofascial discomfort and pain. For some situations — such as when, during doggy style, his penis is hitting your cervix and creating a cramping sensation — a shift can make a change in a split second. Propping problem areas under pillows can also make sex more comfortable.

Since most women don’t climax from vaginal penetration alone, focus on the clitoris. After all, the sole purpose of this hot spot is for pleasure. Using a sex toy like the popular “bullet” shape — which easily slides between two people — boosts your arousal and increases your orgasmic ability. Or discover other erogenous areas like the g-spot, which can be detected once you’re turned on.

For guys who have trouble maintaining an erection, a penis ring made of soft material can do the trick. And his prostate is likely his most sensitive spot if he let’s you explore.

Fantasy, whether it’s a thought of something sexy or erotic that’s happened in the past or a mental movie of something you want to unfold, can fast-track desire and arousal from 0 to 60. And role-playing, whether you’re pretending to be someone or somewhere else, can reinvigorate a sexual relationship. Especially if you’re adding something fun like light bondage to your sack session, after being inspired by Fifty Shades of Grey on date night.

Amy Levine, MA, CSE, is a sex coach featured in magazines including Glamour, Health, and SELF. In her SPARK and IGNITE coaching sessions, Amy helps people solve their most intimate sexual dilemmas, inspiring them to become empowered in and out of bed. Get tips and learn more at Igniteyourpleasure.com.

SOURCE: http://www.everydayhealth.com/columns/health-answers/ways-make-sex-feel-better-tonight/

3 Steps to Take if Your Libido Is More Active Than Your Partner's

Low sex drive is only a problem if someone is unhappy about it, and that's usually the other partner in a relationship. "When you get two people with low libidos, they just go to sleep at night. That's not an issue," says Irwin Goldstein, MD, director of San Diego Sexual Medicine and the editor in chief of The Journal of Sexual Medicine. "Libido is really only associated with distress when there's a disparity with the partner." 

If the unevenness of your desires has become a problem in your relationship, here are a few ways to approach it. 

1. Talk to each other 
Sometimes the problem is clear and just needs discussing, says Joy Davidson, PhD, a New York City–based psychologist who's on the board of directors of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists. An example of this, she says, would be "the woman gets off on oral sex and the man doesn't like to do it. Not being able to talk about sex is like not being able to discuss what you're having for dinner. And just like any other aspect of a relationship, that's a potential deal-breaker. If there's a sexual problem, you have to deal with it." 

If you're the one who wants more sex, don't blame your partner or apply pressure tactics, advises Davidson: "That only pushes the other person away." If your partner is stressed about life outside your relationship, a first step might be to look for ways to lighten his or her load, so sex can become recreation, not another chore. 

2. The partner with a low libido should get a medical checkup
Low sex drive, especially in conjunction with erectile dysfunction (ED), could indicate a serious health problem such as heart disease or diabetes.

3. See a therapist 
Even if there is a medical issue afoot, disparate sex drives can create an emotional problem in a relationship. That's why many sexual health doctors take a "bio-psycho-social" approach, says Michael Krychman, MD, executive director of the Southern California Center for Sexual Health and Survivorship Medicine in Newport Beach, Calif. They either make some psychological assessments themselves or work hand-in-hand with certified sex therapists. 

If you're the partner who wants more sex and you choose couples therapy or sex therapy, don't make it about your partner, says Davidson—make it about the relationship: "[As in] 'we seem to have different needs sexually, and we'd both like to find ways to bridge the gap.'"

http://www.health.com/health/condition-article/0,,20188137,00.html

Help for Orgasm Difficulties

By Diana Rodriguez


Your doctor can help when there's a physical issue, and a sex therapist can teach you how to have orgasms when the problem is psychological.


Sex is fun, feels good, and is a great way to be physically and emotionally close to your partner. But without an orgasm, it can be a less satisfying experience for both people involved. There could be physical or emotional reasons why you're not experiencing a sexual climax, but the right diagnosis and possibly sex therapy can teach you how to orgasm and have a satisfying sexual relationship.

Help is available for both sexes because this isn’t always a female orgasm issue. While some women may have difficulty achieving an orgasm and may never have truly experienced one, men can have orgasm difficulties as well, especially if there are physical or emotional issues at play in the relationship.

Problems That Keep People From Having Orgasms

• The variety of problems related to a lack of orgasm include:
• Not having an orgasm at all
• Having a delayed orgasm — taking a long time or needing a lot of stimulation to achieve orgasm
• Not having a satisfactory orgasm
• Delayed ejaculation
• Ejaculation without orgasm

Some potential causes of these problems in women and men are:

• A problem in the relationship
• Boredom in the bedroom
• An emotional or physical trauma, like rape or abuse
• Health conditions that affect nerves or hormone levels
• Being shy or embarrassed about sex
• Lack of education about orgasms, sex, and what stimulation works best for you
• Side effects of certain medications, including some antidepressants

Fear can keep both sexes from experiencing orgasm, says marriage and family therapist Isadora Alman, MFT, a board-certified sexologist and psychotherapist in private practice in Alameda, Calif. "Being afraid of letting go, afraid of going crazy — fear, in other words," says Alman.

Another explanation: "Physiologically, it may just be that they're not getting the right stimulation," says Alman. If either a man or a woman is used to achieving an orgasm with his or her own hand, someone else's touch and body part might seem strange, she explains.

Diagnosing the Problem

Many doctors and even certain therapists don't have training in sexuality and sexual problems, says Alman. If you're experiencing difficulty achieving an orgasm, seeing a sex therapist may help root out the reason and get the right treatment. A sex therapist can also help determine if you’re having a physical problem, says Alman, and recommend that you see a physician.



To help identify the problem, says Alman, a sex therapist will ask about your sexual history. Be prepared for topics to include a frank discussion of your current partners, your masturbation practices, and the nature of your symptoms. A sex therapist will also ask about your expectations of sex and what you want to achieve in your sex life.

Solutions That Will Help

If there is a medical problem to blame, you doctor will prescribe the appropriate treatment. And if the cause is psychological, working with a sex therapist can help.

For the female orgasm, Alman says a woman should learn how to orgasm by herself and realize exactly what kind of stimulation it takes, including whether she needs to fantasize in order to have an orgasm.

Says Alman, "Once she knows physically that she needs ‘x’ amount of stimulation, she should look at what's going on in her relationship. Is she comfortable asking for what she wants? First it's physiological, and then it's relational."

For men, the process is similar. Alman says she'll ask about a male patient’s masturbation processes and what feels different when he's masturbating than when having intercourse with a partner.

Part of the solution is the same for men and women — when it comes to sex, Alman says you've got to talk about it with your partner. Whether you want to achieve multiple orgasms or just feel uninhibited in the bedroom, you've got to be open about your wants and needs. "There's just no way to get from here to there without talking about it," Alman explains.

While it's very normal to be embarrassed to talk about these intimate issues or be afraid of your partner's reaction, you have to open up. If you can’t relax because of some unresolved problem between you — even if it’s because the house is a mess and that bothers you, you must address it if you want to have a satisfying sexual experience.

Talk about what you want, what you like, and what you need because if orgasm difficulties are affecting you, they're also affecting your partner. Talking about sex and intimacy will only bring you closer together, and help ignite the fireworks you’re looking for in the bedroom.

Source: http://www.everydayhealth.com/sexual-health/sexual-dysfunction/orgasm-difficulties.aspx

6 Fun Ways to Boost Her Desire

Laura TedescoOct 14, 2014

Photo by Getty Images

You’ve heard this advice before: Take a woman to see a scary movie, and the surge of fear-induced adrenaline will send her straight into your arms. But a new study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, published Sept. 29th, showed that fear tended to dampen women’s arousal and desire. Feeling happy, on the other hand, was associated with greater sexual desire in the moment — as well as the next day.

Past research has linked long-term emotional states, likedepression, to sexual desire (or a lack thereof). But the researchers wanted to determine how women’s more fleeting feelings impact their willingness to jump in the sack. “There’s a lot about our day-to-day lives that’s tied to our emotions, whether it’s sleep or appetite or sexual functioning,” study author David Kalmbach told Yahoo Health. “There’s the term ‘being in the mood’ — some days we’re in the mood, and some days we’re not. I wanted to see what drives that.”

Over a two-week period, 171 young women kept daily diaries about their moods, as well as their sex lives. Only one emotion was linked to the women’s desire both in the present moment and on the following day: joviality, or what Kalmbach defined as “being happy, enthusiastic.” “I don’t know that it’s necessarily the happier someone is, the more they desire sex,” he said. “I think the happier or more enthused someone is, the greater their capacity for sexual desire is. Being happy is related to finding pleasure in things that we usually enjoy. And when we’re happier, we’re typically more motivated.”

Even if your partner’s moods are totally unpredictable, you can still steer her in the right direction — and doing so may actually enhance the desire-boosting effect of happiness. “If a partner does something that increases both relationship satisfaction and someone’s mood, you’re going to see a strong impact on desire,” Kalmbach noted.

Ready to rev her engine? Try these five fun ways to make your girlfriend happy — and hopefully open the gateway to another kind of fun:

Take her to a sporting event.

This may seem like your idea of an ideal date — but the electric atmosphere will likely give her mood a jolt, too. In fact, a 2011 study in the Journal of Epidemiology & Community Health found that attending sporting events is associated with higher life satisfaction and lower anxiety among women. Of course, happy gals may just be more open to catching a game. But there is something enlivening about sporting events. “Playing sports can give people a little rush of arousal. Watching might do that as well — the collective excitement, the suspense of who wins or loses,” said couples therapist Brandy Engler, author of The Men on My Couch.

Even if your date isn’t a huge sports fan, you can easily engage her in the game by having her pick a team to root for — and then aligning yourself with the opponent. Creating a little playful competition makes the game’s outcome about you and her — not just the teams. Hint: Choose a fast-paced sport, like horseracing or basketball, so there’s lots of action to keep her on the edge of her seat.

Plan your next vacation.

Yes, it’s only October — but why not start planning your summer vacay now? Just lusting after those seaside villas in Italy will lift her spirits: A recent Dutch study suggests that anticipating a getaway may be a more potent happiness booster than the actual trip. “You’re planning together, working as a team. That activates excitement and affection for each other,” DeAnna Lorraine, a Los Angeles-based dating coach, told Yahoo Health. “To women, it’s like foreplay — we can get very aroused just by imagining and anticipating things.” Bonus: Researching a couples getaway can put her in the romantic mindset now, said Engler.

Borrow a friend’s dog for the day

Your buddy’s dog is your best friend — at least when it comes to winning over your date. “Women love seeing a man around animals,” said Lorraine. “It’s similar to watching him around children — it brings out nurturing instincts.” No pooch of your own? Offer to babysit a pal’s for the day, and head to the park with your partner.

Just don’t spend too much of your time loving on Fido together: Oxytocin, the bonding hormone, “makes us feel lovey dovey, but not necessarily sexual,” explained Engler. “You want testosterone, which comes with physical activity and competition.” So grab the ball and play catch together. Or go on a jog and take turns holding the leash.

Embrace the outdoors

Go hiking, rockclimbing, kayaking — anything to get you outside and active. “When you’re stuck in your home, the energy can get stagnant,” Lorraine said. “But when you’re outside, it’s an unpredictable environment.” Read: You’re surrounded by novelty — whether you’re exploring a new trail or checking out a waterfall — and that’s a potent mood booster for both parties. “It’s primal,” said Engler. “When you’re engaging with the earth, you’re getting back in touch with your body.” And that physical arousal can easily translate to another kind of energy.

Sample gourmet chocolates

We don’t need to tell you that women love chocolate. But don’t just hand her a box of supermarket sweets — instead, take her to a gourmet chocolate shop, and let her choose a variety to try. Once you’re home, uncork a bottle of red wine, and sample them together. “Break off a little piece, place it in her mouth, have her close her eyes, and tell her to really taste it,” Engler said. “You’re getting into the senses together.”

Tap into your creativity

Turn game night into a bonding experience: Choose an active, creative game that requires a timer, like Pictionary or charades, and compete against each other. “The timer heightens the arousal even more,” Lorraine said. “And you’re forced to be dorky and silly—these games create playfulness and laughter automatically.”

10 Surprising Health Benefits of Sex

By Kara Mayer Robinson
WebMD Feature

Reviewed by Michael W. Smith, MD

Sex not only feels good. It can also be good for you. Here’s what a healthy sex life can do for you.

Sex-Drive Killers Slideshow

1. Helps Keep Your Immune System Humming

“Sexually active people take fewer sick days,” says Yvonne K. Fulbright, PhD a sexual health expert.

People who have sex have higher levels of what defends your body against germs, viruses, and other intruders. Researchers at Wilkes University in Pennsylvania found that college students who had sex once or twice a week had higher levels of the a certain antibody compared to students who had sex less often.

You should still do all the other things that make your immune system happy, such as:

• Eat right.
• Stay active.
• Get enough sleep.
• Keep up with your vaccinations.
• Use a condom if you don’t know both of your STD statuses.

2. Boosts Your Libido

Longing for a more lively sex life? “Having sex will make sex better and will improve your libido,” says Lauren Streicher, MD. She is an assistant clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine in Chicago.

For women, having sex ups vaginal lubrication, blood flow, and elasticity, she says, all of which make sex feel better and help you crave more of it.

3. Improves Women's Bladder Control

A strong pelvic floor is important for avoiding incontinence, something that will affect about 30% of women at some point in their lives.

Good sex is like a workout for your pelvic floor muscles. When you have an orgasm, it causes contractions in those muscles, which strengthens them.

4. Lowers Your Blood Pressure

Research suggests a link between sex and lower blood pressure, says Joseph J. Pinzone, MD. He is CEO and medical director of Amai Wellness.

“There have been many studies,” he says. “One landmark study found that sexual intercourse specifically (not masturbation) lowered systolic blood pressure.” That's the first number on your blood pressure test.

5. Counts as Exercise

“Sex is a really great form of exercise,” Pinzone says. It won’t replace the treadmill, but it counts for something.

Sex uses about five calories per minute, four more calories than watching TV. It gives you a one-two punch: It bumps up your heart rate and uses various muscles.

So get busy! You may even want to clear your schedule to make time for it on a regular basis.  “Like with exercise, consistency helps maximize the benefits,” Pinzone says.

6. Lowers Heart Attack Risk

A good sex life is good for your heart. Besides being a great way to raise your heart rate, sex helps keep your estrogen and testosterone levels in balance.

“When either one of those is low you begin to get lots of problems, like osteoporosis and even heart disease,” Pinzone says.

Having sex more often may help. During one study, men who had sex at least twice a week were half as likely to die of heart disease as men who had sex rarely.

7. Lessens Pain

Before you reach for an aspirin, try for an orgasm.

“Orgasm can block pain,” says Barry R. Komisaruk, PhD, a distinguished service professor at Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey. It releases a hormone that helps raise your pain threshold.

Stimulation without orgasm can also do the trick. “We’ve found that vaginal stimulation can block chronic back and leg pain, and many women have told us that genital self-stimulation can reduce menstrual cramps, arthritic pain, and in some cases even headache,” Komisaruk says.

8. May Make Prostate Cancer Less Likely

Going for the gusto may help ward off prostate cancer.

Men who ejaculated frequently (at least 21 times a month) were less likely to get prostate cancer during one study, which was published in the Journal of the American Medical Association.

You don’t need a partner to reap this benefit: Sexual intercourse, nocturnal emission, and masturbation were all part of the equation.

It's not clear that sex was the only reason that mattered in that study. Lots of factors affect cancer risk. But more sex won’t hurt.

9. Improves Sleep

You may nod off more quickly after sex, and for good reason.

“After orgasm, the hormone prolactin is released, which is responsible for the feelings of relaxation and sleepiness" after sex, says Sheenie Ambardar, MD. She is a psychiatrist in West Hollywood, Calif.

10. Eases Stress

Being close to your partner can soothe stress and anxiety.

Ambardar says touching and hugging can release your body's natural “feel-good hormone.” Sexual arousal releases a brain chemical that revs up your brain’s pleasure and reward system.

Sex and intimacy can boost your self-esteem and happiness, too, Ambardar says. It’s not only a prescription for a healthy life, but a happy one.

Source: http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/sex-and-health

For Husbands, Does More Housework Mean Less Sex?

WebMD News from HealthDay

WEDNESDAY, Jan. 30 (HealthDay News) -- If you're one of those husbands who thinks taking over some of your wife's household chores will translate into having sex more often, maybe you should think again.

A new study suggests the opposite may be true.

Married men who spend more time doing what many consider traditionally feminine household tasks -- such as grocery shopping, cleaning and cooking -- reported having less frequent sex than do husbands who stick to more traditionally masculine jobs, like gardening or home repair.

When it comes to chores, equality between the sexes doesn't necessarily turn on either the man or the woman, said study author Julie Brines, an associate professor in the department of sociology at the University of Washington, in Seattle.

So it's not sexy to watch your husband folding socks or unpacking the groceries? "While wives tend to be more satisfied with the marriage[when there aren't issues about housework], it doesn't translate to sex if the men help," Brines said. "For women in traditional arrangements, the wives' sexual satisfaction is greater. The wives are benefitting too."

In other words, even though women may say they like having their husband help around the house, his well-intentioned efforts may end up turning him into a helpmate rather than an object of desire.

The researchers' interest in the topic was sparked by media coverage of a report from the Council on Contemporary Families in 2008, Brines explained. "The headline was that men who did more housework got more sex," she said. "My colleagues and I saw that and didn't see the evidence."

But Brines admitted that such thinking is understandable. "From Grecian times, the women who were unhappy with their men decided to withhold sex," she said, referring to the Greek play Lysistrata. She said it would make perfect sense if there was a sort of exchange of favors in marriage, and that if wives were happier, sex lives would benefit.

"Our research is counterintuitive," Brines said.

The study, published in the February issue of the journal American Sociological Review, tapped information on roughly 4,500 married U.S. couples who participated in the National Survey of Families and Households.

The nationally representative data, collected between 1992 and 1994, is considered the most recent large-scale information measuring sexual frequency in married couples. The average age of survey participants was 46 for the husbands and 44 for the wives, and the marriages were all heterosexual.

Together, the couples spent about 34 hours a week on traditionally female chores, plus an additional 17 hours a week on tasks typically considered men's work. Husbands did about one-fifth of so-called traditional female chores and a little more than half of the male tasks, suggesting that wives helped out with the men's chores more often than husbands took on the wives'.

The researchers accounted for differences in self-reported happiness in the marriage, how recently the couples were married, family structure, each spouse's time spent in paid work, the wife's share of income, education and self-rated health, among other factors.

Men and women reported having sex an average of about five times a month. For those couples in which the wife does all the traditionally female housework, husbands and wives reported having sex 1.6 times more a month than those where the husband does a larger share of those chores.

Does the data still apply now, 20 years after the survey was done? Brines said that although a lot has changed in marriage since the 1960s -- especially with women increasingly taking on jobs outside the home and men having a greater role in child rearing -- research shows relatively little change in household assignment of tasks since the 1990s.

"I'm skeptical that the relationship between housework and sex changed a lot because housework responsibilities haven't changed much," she said.

For her part, Markie Blumer, an assistant professor in the marriage and family therapy program at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, said the age of the data is a big weakness in the study. "The economic crash definitely changed a lot of the household dynamics," she said, adding that many of those who became unemployed were men who started doing most of the housework.

Lead study author Sabino Kornrich said it's possible that when both spouses work outside the home, sheer fatigue could reduce the frequency of sex.

"I suspect that in cases where people are too tired to do any chores, they just don't have sex," said Kornrich, a researcher at the Juan March Institute in Madrid, Spain. "Our research and earlier studies find that couples who do more housework overall have more sex, suggesting that those who have more energy to do housework also have more energy for sex."

Kornrich added that although same-sex couples were not the focus of this study, research suggests that the division of household labor among gay, lesbian and cohabitating couples is influenced by gender. "But differences remain in how these couples divide household labor compared to heterosexual couples, so we cannot say from our results," he noted.

Brines suggested married couples consider having direct conversations or negotiations about the division of household labor and about their sex lives. "Put it up for renegotiation at any time," she said. "If you want a different arrangement, talk about it rather than letting inertia take hold."

Source: http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/news/20130130/for-married-men-does-more-housework-mean-less-sex?page=2

Menopause...Really?

The search is endless for men who have low testosterone. It's become a matter of the need for endless youth and the need to live a life not of naps and ending up in a nursing home, but a life of hopeful retirement which will include, golfing, entertainment and hopefully and active sex life.

Is this a real possibility? Well if you have planned well, the retirement part may or may not be realistic, the active sex life part, probably not without some help.

As we age, our bodies tend to betray us and not respond or just no longer reacts the way we would have expected. Losing this part of a man's life is huge. 

There is something called Low T which is a diagnosis that is real and it is associated with some illnesses and normal signs of aging. Low T may result in fewer spontaneous erections and depressed sexual drive and desire. There are many symptoms of Low T which include frail bones, hair loss in armpits and pubic area, lower sperm count, reduction in muscle mass and depression.

Suffering from low sex drive has become a prescription drug frenzy and a multi billion dollar industry. Men want to feel young and want their sex drive to continue well beyond the expected aging timeline. That is why we have found a product that really works Click Here for more info.

Where's my orgasm?

By Hope Ashby, Special to CNN August 11, 2014 -- Updated 1134 GMT (1934 HKT)

(CNN) -- Ask me about the most significant moments in sexual medicine history, and I'll name two: the creation of the birth control pill in the 1960s, and the introduction of Viagra in 1998.

When Viagra hit the market, it changed the face of sexuality for men, young and old, forever. It took sexual dysfunction from behind closed doors and brought it out into the open.

It also, however, highlighted the fact that research on women's sexual functioning and treatment was significantly lagging -- even though studies report that 43% of women have experienced, or are experiencing, some form of sexual dysfunction.

In 2004, the American Foundation of Urological Disorders identified distinct diagnostic categories for the most common women's sexual function complaints: hypoactive sexual desire disorder, sexual arousal disorder, orgasm disorder and pain disorders such as dyspareunia and vaginismus.

Here's what you should know about each:

Hypoactive sexual desire disorder

Hypoactive sexual desire disorder is defined as the absence of sexual thoughts or feelings. This is one of the most prevalent issues seen in female patients. For women, it can be stressful and negatively impact their relationships.

Causes include sexual trauma history, the quality of a woman's current relationship (I'm just not that into you ... ), hormonal imbalance and depression or anxiety.

When patients come to see me for this issue, I usually ask whether they fantasize about actors, models or even the pool boy. If they answer yes, then more than likely it is a relationship issue, not a psychological and/or biological issue. For women, it is hard to turn off the fight you had with your spouse earlier in the day or the fact that he constantly irritates you with something you don't like.

Most times the fix is communication and spending quality time together. A sex date is usually my prescription. Try it, you might like it!

Sexual arousal disorder

Sexual arousal disorder is defined as the inability to achieve or maintain adequate lubrication after sufficient stimulation. It oftentimes overlaps with sexual desire disorder. It can also be dependent on the stage of life a woman is in.

Menopause, for example, which is categorized by a significant loss of estrogen, can have a huge impact on a women's sexual activity. The loss of estrogen can lead to the loss of vaginal lubrication and cause vaginal atrophy, which can be painful.

For women who are not in menopause, sexual arousal can also be caused by a lack of blood flow to the labia, poor partner ability, hormones and other factors. Viagra has been prescribed for women to help increase arousal to the vulva, but it is not FDA-approved for use in women.

Arousal and desire at times go hand-in-hand. Men tend to forget that women need longer foreplay; it takes about 15 minutes or more to become fully aroused.

Foreplay for women is not only physical, but also mental -- it starts way before you get to the bedroom. So start the foreplay before you hit the bed. E-mails, text messages and even taking out the garbage go a long way.

Orgasm disorder

Orgasm disorder is defined as the inability to achieve orgasm. Being able to be aroused, either physically and/or mentally, is necessary in order to achieve orgasm.

For many women, orgasms are elusive because they are unable to stay in the moment. They are thinking about a host of other things which distract them from feeling and being present.

In addition, a lot of women do not know their bodies and/or have difficulty talking about what makes them feel good. How can you advocate for improvement if you don't understand what you are trying to improve?

Sometimes improving orgasm can be as easy as changing your sexual position. Switching a woman from the missionary position to being on top can help give her increased clitoral stimulation as well as control of the depth of penetration and rate of thrusting.

Pain disorders

Pain disorders in women are common place. At some point in a woman's life, many will experience painful sex.

Dyspereunia is defined as persistent or recurrent genital pain that occurs before, during or after intercourse. Vaginismus is the involuntary spasm of the muscles of the vaginal walls. There is a range of causes for these pain disorders that include insufficient lubrication, trauma, surgeries, irritation and emotional factors.

Earlier this year, Osphena was brought to market and has changed the lives of some women with pain disorders caused by menopausal symptoms. Vaginismus, on the other hand, is treated by using varying and increasing sizes of vaginal dilators, usually in conjunction with therapy.

When a patient comes about this issue I always want to know whether they use latex, as there may be an allergy, or if water-based lubricant is being used. Water-based lubricants tend to dry faster, needing repeated application. The drying out can lead to small vaginal tears due to friction. Silicone-based lubricants tend to be more slippery and need less reapplication, which often means less tearing.

Hormone issues

Biologically, women and men are quite different in their hormonal makeup, yet we share some of the same hormones in differing amounts. Testosterone and estrogen are our main hormones and have been found to play a significant role in our sexual response.

Testosterone, when it is at a low level in men, can lead to decreased desire and erections that are less firm. Women also need testosterone for desire. Research has shown that birth control pills tend to bind to the free testosterone in women's blood, leaving little to fuel desire.

There has been much conversation about testosterone being prescribed to women in order to improve sexual functioning. Despite the controversy, by 2006, over 1.3 million testosterone prescriptions were written for women. Women clearly are ready to change the status quo and reclaim their right to good sex.

Just start by asking, "Where's my orgasm?"

The above content was published here:

http://edition.cnn.com/2014/08/08/health/female-or...