4 Healthy Ways to Make Sex Feel Better Tonight

By Amy Levine, MA, CSE, Special to Everyday Health

S-E-X.

Three simple letters that elicit myriad thoughts and feelings. Sex has the potential to involve all of the senses, turn us on, happen solo or with a partner, allow us the opportunity to give and to receive, and be incredibly pleasurable. But for many people, sex isn’t the connected and fulfilling experience we know is possible. Sometimespain or discomfort is to blame. Other times it’s sabotaged by common issues like body-bashing thoughts, anxiety, or stress. Often with subtle adjustments, sex can feel and be a lot better.

As a sex coach, I often play detective with my clients to figure out what they need to elevate their sexual experiences. Here are some of the solutions I share with them that I think will help you have a more pleasurable sex life too.

1. Sex Shouldn’t Require Mind-Reading

Here’s a four-letter word that will make sex better: T-A-L-K.

We can’t expect our partners to read our minds. It’s essential we know what we need, want, and desire. Communication is directly related to our pleasure potential.

Sexual Solution: Know your erogenous areas. If you’re not sure what turns you on, make time for solo sessions to explore every inch of your skin. Feel the webbing of your fingers and toes, trace your finger down the outermost part of your ear, stroke your thighs, and then go for the obvious “feel good” areas. When you know what you like, tell your partner. Or show him or her what feels best by putting your hand over theirs, guiding them to the spot and showing them how to mimic the motions.

If you feel self-conscious, experience stress, anxiety, pain or discomfort, speak up as it arises during physical intimacy. Say something (like, “please stop I’m in pain, etc” or “let’s slow down”) or do what’s needed (like, shift your body) to feel at ease in the moment. Then, so it doesn’t create frustration, talk with your partner outside the bedroom at another time. Together come up with possible solutions or find an expert to help you navigate the situation.

2. Use the Right Lubricant

Dryness, like wetness, can come and go throughout a sexual encounter no matter how turned on you may be. Also, women rarely get the 20 minutes of foreplay (kissing, fooling around, or oral sex) needed to increase arousal and feel more connected. That said, there are manyhealth conditions and circumstances that make it difficult to produce ample amounts of lubrication, if at all.

The most common culprits: hormonal shifts (including childbirth, breastfeeding, and menopause); allergies; anti-estrogen drugs and other medications and supplements; medical treatments (including radiation and chemotherapy); and surgical procedures (like removal of the ovaries).

Sexual Solution: Wetter can feel better. Add a lubricant during solo and partnered sex, whether it’s for vulva or vaginal touch or penetration (start with a squirt of lube the size of a dime and increase the amount as needed. Use it on your vulva and vagina where you’re being stimulated or on his penis).

There are three common types of lubricants — water-based, silicone-based, and oil-based. It’s best to use liquid instead of a messy jelly consistency. When buying lube, select a vagina-friendly brand (without glycerin and chemicals you can’t pronounce). Organic brands, like Yes, are a great option. If you’re using latex condoms, avoid oil-based lubricants like baby oil, body lotion, or lubes. As a side note, don’t use silicone-based lubes with silicone toys, as it causes the toys to deteriorate.

3. Get That Itching and Burning Checked Out

Itching and burning could be the sign of infection for both men and women, and it’s best to go to your doc to find out what’s behind it. If it coincides with sex, and you know it’s not a recurring yeast, bacterial, or viral infection, it could be an allergy to latex or nonoxynol 9 (N-9), a spermicidal lubricant often found on condoms and used with a cervical cap or diaphragm. Ifvaginal dryness is the culprit, lube is a likely remedy.

Sexual Solution: Switch to a different type of condom. The other options are polyurethane, polyisoprene, and lambskin. A few things to keep in mind: Polyurethane and lambskin can be used with oil-based lube. And lambskin condoms only reduce the risk of pregnancy, not sexually transmitted diseases (if a partner is infected). If N-9 allergy seems to be an issue, find condoms that don’t have spermicidal lubricant on them. And switch from a cervical cap or diaphragm to a different method of contraception.

4. Do Something Different

Sometimes it’s a shift in position or being adventurous by trying something new that can instantly make sex more satisfying and exciting.

Sexual Solution: When you’re in any sexual position, try shifting — up, down, right, or left — to elevate arousal or minimize musculoskeletal or myofascial discomfort and pain. For some situations — such as when, during doggy style, his penis is hitting your cervix and creating a cramping sensation — a shift can make a change in a split second. Propping problem areas under pillows can also make sex more comfortable.

Since most women don’t climax from vaginal penetration alone, focus on the clitoris. After all, the sole purpose of this hot spot is for pleasure. Using a sex toy like the popular “bullet” shape — which easily slides between two people — boosts your arousal and increases your orgasmic ability. Or discover other erogenous areas like the g-spot, which can be detected once you’re turned on.

For guys who have trouble maintaining an erection, a penis ring made of soft material can do the trick. And his prostate is likely his most sensitive spot if he let’s you explore.

Fantasy, whether it’s a thought of something sexy or erotic that’s happened in the past or a mental movie of something you want to unfold, can fast-track desire and arousal from 0 to 60. And role-playing, whether you’re pretending to be someone or somewhere else, can reinvigorate a sexual relationship. Especially if you’re adding something fun like light bondage to your sack session, after being inspired by Fifty Shades of Grey on date night.

Amy Levine, MA, CSE, is a sex coach featured in magazines including Glamour, Health, and SELF. In her SPARK and IGNITE coaching sessions, Amy helps people solve their most intimate sexual dilemmas, inspiring them to become empowered in and out of bed. Get tips and learn more at Igniteyourpleasure.com.

SOURCE: http://www.everydayhealth.com/columns/health-answers/ways-make-sex-feel-better-tonight/

6 Fun Ways to Boost Her Desire

Laura TedescoOct 14, 2014

Photo by Getty Images

You’ve heard this advice before: Take a woman to see a scary movie, and the surge of fear-induced adrenaline will send her straight into your arms. But a new study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, published Sept. 29th, showed that fear tended to dampen women’s arousal and desire. Feeling happy, on the other hand, was associated with greater sexual desire in the moment — as well as the next day.

Past research has linked long-term emotional states, likedepression, to sexual desire (or a lack thereof). But the researchers wanted to determine how women’s more fleeting feelings impact their willingness to jump in the sack. “There’s a lot about our day-to-day lives that’s tied to our emotions, whether it’s sleep or appetite or sexual functioning,” study author David Kalmbach told Yahoo Health. “There’s the term ‘being in the mood’ — some days we’re in the mood, and some days we’re not. I wanted to see what drives that.”

Over a two-week period, 171 young women kept daily diaries about their moods, as well as their sex lives. Only one emotion was linked to the women’s desire both in the present moment and on the following day: joviality, or what Kalmbach defined as “being happy, enthusiastic.” “I don’t know that it’s necessarily the happier someone is, the more they desire sex,” he said. “I think the happier or more enthused someone is, the greater their capacity for sexual desire is. Being happy is related to finding pleasure in things that we usually enjoy. And when we’re happier, we’re typically more motivated.”

Even if your partner’s moods are totally unpredictable, you can still steer her in the right direction — and doing so may actually enhance the desire-boosting effect of happiness. “If a partner does something that increases both relationship satisfaction and someone’s mood, you’re going to see a strong impact on desire,” Kalmbach noted.

Ready to rev her engine? Try these five fun ways to make your girlfriend happy — and hopefully open the gateway to another kind of fun:

Take her to a sporting event.

This may seem like your idea of an ideal date — but the electric atmosphere will likely give her mood a jolt, too. In fact, a 2011 study in the Journal of Epidemiology & Community Health found that attending sporting events is associated with higher life satisfaction and lower anxiety among women. Of course, happy gals may just be more open to catching a game. But there is something enlivening about sporting events. “Playing sports can give people a little rush of arousal. Watching might do that as well — the collective excitement, the suspense of who wins or loses,” said couples therapist Brandy Engler, author of The Men on My Couch.

Even if your date isn’t a huge sports fan, you can easily engage her in the game by having her pick a team to root for — and then aligning yourself with the opponent. Creating a little playful competition makes the game’s outcome about you and her — not just the teams. Hint: Choose a fast-paced sport, like horseracing or basketball, so there’s lots of action to keep her on the edge of her seat.

Plan your next vacation.

Yes, it’s only October — but why not start planning your summer vacay now? Just lusting after those seaside villas in Italy will lift her spirits: A recent Dutch study suggests that anticipating a getaway may be a more potent happiness booster than the actual trip. “You’re planning together, working as a team. That activates excitement and affection for each other,” DeAnna Lorraine, a Los Angeles-based dating coach, told Yahoo Health. “To women, it’s like foreplay — we can get very aroused just by imagining and anticipating things.” Bonus: Researching a couples getaway can put her in the romantic mindset now, said Engler.

Borrow a friend’s dog for the day

Your buddy’s dog is your best friend — at least when it comes to winning over your date. “Women love seeing a man around animals,” said Lorraine. “It’s similar to watching him around children — it brings out nurturing instincts.” No pooch of your own? Offer to babysit a pal’s for the day, and head to the park with your partner.

Just don’t spend too much of your time loving on Fido together: Oxytocin, the bonding hormone, “makes us feel lovey dovey, but not necessarily sexual,” explained Engler. “You want testosterone, which comes with physical activity and competition.” So grab the ball and play catch together. Or go on a jog and take turns holding the leash.

Embrace the outdoors

Go hiking, rockclimbing, kayaking — anything to get you outside and active. “When you’re stuck in your home, the energy can get stagnant,” Lorraine said. “But when you’re outside, it’s an unpredictable environment.” Read: You’re surrounded by novelty — whether you’re exploring a new trail or checking out a waterfall — and that’s a potent mood booster for both parties. “It’s primal,” said Engler. “When you’re engaging with the earth, you’re getting back in touch with your body.” And that physical arousal can easily translate to another kind of energy.

Sample gourmet chocolates

We don’t need to tell you that women love chocolate. But don’t just hand her a box of supermarket sweets — instead, take her to a gourmet chocolate shop, and let her choose a variety to try. Once you’re home, uncork a bottle of red wine, and sample them together. “Break off a little piece, place it in her mouth, have her close her eyes, and tell her to really taste it,” Engler said. “You’re getting into the senses together.”

Tap into your creativity

Turn game night into a bonding experience: Choose an active, creative game that requires a timer, like Pictionary or charades, and compete against each other. “The timer heightens the arousal even more,” Lorraine said. “And you’re forced to be dorky and silly—these games create playfulness and laughter automatically.”

For Husbands, Does More Housework Mean Less Sex?

WebMD News from HealthDay

WEDNESDAY, Jan. 30 (HealthDay News) -- If you're one of those husbands who thinks taking over some of your wife's household chores will translate into having sex more often, maybe you should think again.

A new study suggests the opposite may be true.

Married men who spend more time doing what many consider traditionally feminine household tasks -- such as grocery shopping, cleaning and cooking -- reported having less frequent sex than do husbands who stick to more traditionally masculine jobs, like gardening or home repair.

When it comes to chores, equality between the sexes doesn't necessarily turn on either the man or the woman, said study author Julie Brines, an associate professor in the department of sociology at the University of Washington, in Seattle.

So it's not sexy to watch your husband folding socks or unpacking the groceries? "While wives tend to be more satisfied with the marriage[when there aren't issues about housework], it doesn't translate to sex if the men help," Brines said. "For women in traditional arrangements, the wives' sexual satisfaction is greater. The wives are benefitting too."

In other words, even though women may say they like having their husband help around the house, his well-intentioned efforts may end up turning him into a helpmate rather than an object of desire.

The researchers' interest in the topic was sparked by media coverage of a report from the Council on Contemporary Families in 2008, Brines explained. "The headline was that men who did more housework got more sex," she said. "My colleagues and I saw that and didn't see the evidence."

But Brines admitted that such thinking is understandable. "From Grecian times, the women who were unhappy with their men decided to withhold sex," she said, referring to the Greek play Lysistrata. She said it would make perfect sense if there was a sort of exchange of favors in marriage, and that if wives were happier, sex lives would benefit.

"Our research is counterintuitive," Brines said.

The study, published in the February issue of the journal American Sociological Review, tapped information on roughly 4,500 married U.S. couples who participated in the National Survey of Families and Households.

The nationally representative data, collected between 1992 and 1994, is considered the most recent large-scale information measuring sexual frequency in married couples. The average age of survey participants was 46 for the husbands and 44 for the wives, and the marriages were all heterosexual.

Together, the couples spent about 34 hours a week on traditionally female chores, plus an additional 17 hours a week on tasks typically considered men's work. Husbands did about one-fifth of so-called traditional female chores and a little more than half of the male tasks, suggesting that wives helped out with the men's chores more often than husbands took on the wives'.

The researchers accounted for differences in self-reported happiness in the marriage, how recently the couples were married, family structure, each spouse's time spent in paid work, the wife's share of income, education and self-rated health, among other factors.

Men and women reported having sex an average of about five times a month. For those couples in which the wife does all the traditionally female housework, husbands and wives reported having sex 1.6 times more a month than those where the husband does a larger share of those chores.

Does the data still apply now, 20 years after the survey was done? Brines said that although a lot has changed in marriage since the 1960s -- especially with women increasingly taking on jobs outside the home and men having a greater role in child rearing -- research shows relatively little change in household assignment of tasks since the 1990s.

"I'm skeptical that the relationship between housework and sex changed a lot because housework responsibilities haven't changed much," she said.

For her part, Markie Blumer, an assistant professor in the marriage and family therapy program at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, said the age of the data is a big weakness in the study. "The economic crash definitely changed a lot of the household dynamics," she said, adding that many of those who became unemployed were men who started doing most of the housework.

Lead study author Sabino Kornrich said it's possible that when both spouses work outside the home, sheer fatigue could reduce the frequency of sex.

"I suspect that in cases where people are too tired to do any chores, they just don't have sex," said Kornrich, a researcher at the Juan March Institute in Madrid, Spain. "Our research and earlier studies find that couples who do more housework overall have more sex, suggesting that those who have more energy to do housework also have more energy for sex."

Kornrich added that although same-sex couples were not the focus of this study, research suggests that the division of household labor among gay, lesbian and cohabitating couples is influenced by gender. "But differences remain in how these couples divide household labor compared to heterosexual couples, so we cannot say from our results," he noted.

Brines suggested married couples consider having direct conversations or negotiations about the division of household labor and about their sex lives. "Put it up for renegotiation at any time," she said. "If you want a different arrangement, talk about it rather than letting inertia take hold."

Source: http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/news/20130130/for-married-men-does-more-housework-mean-less-sex?page=2

Female Libido: Bringing the Intimacy Back to the Bedroom

by guest author

In females, the libido is more complicated than in males. The term libido means sexual desire and is not the only ingredient necessary for a woman’s sexual mojo. Mojo is an appropriate term, as the female’s turn-on features may seem magical at times. She needs a proper balance in physical, emotional, and hormonal responses to induce her ooh-la-la.

What Causes a Woman’s Sex Drive to Be Hung Out to Dry?
When delving into the marvelous, mysterious workings of a woman’s sex drive, think about all the factors needed to put her in the mood. It is quite a daunting task. To look at it another way, many different influences can cause women to lose that loving feeling.

Physical issues. Health problems and medications can all cause the female libido to vanish. Medical conditions that cause pain or fatigue are likely to hamper her sexual prowess. Medications that reduce hormone levels affect a woman’s ability to have intercourse. Use of oral contraceptives decreases estrogen and testosterone, making them useless to light the fire of her libido.

Hormonal changes. In addition to medications, hormone levels drop during the change associated with menopause. Estrogen increases the functioning of sex organs, including the vagina and vulva. Testosterone increases blood flow to her genitals, making her more lubricated and able to climax. Low levels of this sex hormone can cause intercourse to be painful. Pregnancy and breastfeeding also cause fluctuations in hormone levels.

Psychological reasons and relationship problems. If she had negative experiences with sex in the past, a woman may have trouble now. How she feels about herself goes a long way into putting a woman in her groove. Poor body image and low self-esteem are not conducive to intercourse. Stress and mental health issues play a vital role in sexual vitality, as well as the condition of a man and woman’s relationship. Fighting, communication problems, lack of connection, and infidelity are probably not the most effective ways to lead up to an intimate encounter with her partner.

Bring the Spark Back into Your Love Life
There are ways to increase libido naturally. Lifestyle factors are the biggest changes, and are best when the couple works together to rekindle the flame.

Diet and exercise. By decreasing sugar and simple carbohydrates and increasing exercise, hormone levels and self-confidence can both be improved. Exercise increases muscle which in turn raises testosterone levels, giving just the right pick-me-up to boost her libido.

Stress. Find ways to relax together. Gentle stretching, meditation, and mutual massage can lower stress and increase intimacy.

Communicate. Learn to talk to each other more openly without fighting. This can develop a more intimate connection and goes a long way to enticing her libido.

Medical treatments. If a woman’s desire for sex is not increased with self-help measures, a physician may be able to help. Counseling or medications including hormone replacement therapy may be helpful in revving up the love connection.

The female libido may never be fully understood as so many conditions must fit together like an intricate, life-sized puzzle in order for her to become interested in sex. Physical, hormonal, psychological, and relationship issues all effect sex drive in a woman. Bring the spark back with changes in diet, exercise, open communication, or even medications when necessary.

About the author
Lou Hobbs is a dedicated health and wellness researcher and author. With over 10 years of experience Lou has made it his life goal to discover solutions that can improve the lives of other people. When Lou is not researching a health related topic such as the female libido, he enjoys spending time with his family in the Idaho wilderness.

http://vitalhealthinfo.com/how-to-increase-female-libido/